God Has Not Called Me To That

It is no secret that I struggle. A lot. Envy. Shoot, I think I've turned it into an art form. I can glow green over almost anything. Beauty, brains, abilities, accomplishments, circumstances, relationships, weather. Especially weather.

Oh, I've blogged about it before (see Envy Sucks). Written about it in a class project. Spun into despair over this sin.  Spent so much time begging God to change my heart.

Now I am not a charismatic, but I know the work of the Holy Spirit when I see it. One day I was hit with yet another wave of envy and I said to myself, "God has not called me to that."

All I can say is that it felt like that wonderful gasp of air when you have been holding your breath for way too long under water. Or perhaps the feeling of solid ground under your tires when you have slid in the mud. Or that glorious glass of water when you are dying of thirst.

That was not an isolated incident. Since that day, when I feel that sickening sense of envy begin to overtake me, I stop and remind myself once again.

God has not called me to that.

Just yesterday I was trying to figure out why this phrase is so incredibly powerful in blasting to bits my most pervasive sin. I began by dismantling the statement and focusing on the nouns.

God: This reminds me that there is an all loving, all powerful Creator at work. The God who beckons the morning, who numbers the stars, who parts the waters and knows what is in the heart of man, is at work.

Me: This all loving, all powerful Creator, who created even me, is at work in MY life. This is a very personal God who is wholly involved in every aspect of my life, great and small.

That: Whatever that is is just a thing, an experience, a relationship. All dispensable. All of this earth. If God has withheld that from me, be it skills or looks or even the Storm of the Century, it is because he knows that I do not need that.

His ways are higher than mine and his thoughts higher than mine and his working in my life is way beyond my comprehension. And I can trust that it is all good. Ultimately, if not apparently, good.

So today as Winter Storm Cleon (where do they get these names?) works its way across the country, missing me entirely and bestowing the severe weather and beloved snow on seemingly everybody else, I will have to remind myself once again of this truth.

God has not called me to that.

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