Domestic Abuse Misconception #10

Domestic Abuse Misconception #10: Nobody's perfect. We are all sinners. So both parties share in the responsibility for the abuse. 

If I had a dollar for every time I or one of my dear friends have encountered this idea....

Again, here is the problem of someone who knows about one thing assuming that it applies to something else they don't understand.

Yes. It is true. Nobody is perfect.
Yes. It is true. We are all sinners.

But HELL NO! Both parties do NOT share in the responsibility for the abuse. 

Please remember this. Abuse is the use of power and manipulation to control another person. Abuse sees the other person as less than. As a piece of property. Abuse comes from a sense of entitlement. An abuser uses whatever means to get what he wants regardless of the wishes or needs of the other person. 

Assuming that both share in the responsibility is basically saying that the victim deserved the abuse. 

In case this isn't clear enough I will say it again. THERE IS NEVER EVER A VALID REASON TO ABUSE ANOTHER PERSON. 

All those pithy sayings about marriage...."It takes two." Well, yes. It takes two to tango. It takes two to have a healthy marriage. But it only takes ONE to DESTROY IT. 

Victims are abused twice over. First from the abuser and second from those who tell her that the abuse is her fault and if she would just .....whatever.....submit, build him up, lose weight, have more sex....then he would quit destroying her life. 

OK, people. How cruel can you be to do this to someone? Yet it happens all the damn time. 

Please understand this. There are no perfect people but abuse is not a relationship problem or a marriage problem. ABUSE IS AN ABUSE PROBLEM. 

(Note: In all of my posts I use "he" for abuser and "she" for victim for simplicity and because, in the majority of cases, the abuser is male. But it can be the opposite with a female abuser. Dynamics of abuse can also happen in same sex relationships.)

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